February 8, 2012
Today was a crappy day. In fact I would love to use other words to describe it . . . I can't tell you the last time I had a day this bad.
I sat next to someone I love in the hospital for two hours, knowing that every breath they took could be their last.
In the next few days, one of those breaths will be the last.
Maybe I should have known it was coming, but I didn't.
Crazy the emotions it brought up - hurt, sadness but LOTS of anger. Anger at injustice and pain. Anger that people hurt other people and that bitterness tears apart families. Anger that there's nothing I can do to change it or make it better for the people I love. No matter how much I love them.
I hate feeling helpless and yet that is all I have felt today. Death sucks!
I know that we know in the end the victory over death has been won . . . but in the meantime, the process of death is crappy.
Not speaking to people you love for long periods of time is crappy.
Leaving things unsaid is crappy.
Being unable to be the bigger person is crappy.
Having a hole in your heart with no way to fill it is crappy.
Sorry for such an uplifting post. I'm going to bed and leaning on the fact that God's mercies are new every morning, because I sure do need a whole new dose . . .