You are all probably too busy to notice, but I’ve been absent for almost 48 hours now. There is a good reason. See, I hide from blogging when I have too much going on inside to trust myself to type words on a page without spilling my guts.
But then I felt guilty standing ya’ll up two days in a row, and I figured my best alternative was to just spill it and move on.
Ever since we went to Africa in 2009, the decisions Joey and I have made for our family have been different. From time to time Joey would mention picking up and moving there. I would brush him off and go on. Finally I had to face the issue and have that conversation seriously.
In the end, I don’t think we will be moving to Africa . . . at least, not just yet. But Joey is looking to make a vocational change to something more ministry minded. We have been praying and weighing our options. Nothing is definitive yet, but it does look as if we will eventually be moving to a support-based financial system.
What that means is that instead of receiving a paycheck from a company as he does now, Joey and I will have to raise our support – enough to cover our living costs as a family as well as ministry costs.
That is what leaves me scared . . . literally tears, shaking, you get the ugly picture. It terrifies me to have to raise money, lots of money just to pay the bills.
The reality is that it exposes an unattractive side of me. The insecure, not trusting, overly independent child who moves jerkily through life wreaking havoc because she won’t do what is asked of her.
So, this time, that’s not the road I’m taking. Tears, trembling and all, I am saying yes. Yes to uncertainty. Yes to blindly following. Yes to trusting that He knows best.
Please pray with us that we will do everything God leads us to and nothing He doesn’t. (And while you’re at it, I’d love for him to take away the tears and shaking too.)