January 6, 2011

Admissions

I don’t like being a stay-at-home mom.

I don’t particularly have an affinity for children between the ages of 3 and about 15.

I usually get bored after a couple of years of doing the same thing. I’ve been staying home now for almost 4.

My husband doesn’t get it. He figures nobody really likes their job. Staying home is mine. Get over it.

But I don’t get to leave my job and come home to my family. I don’t enjoy my evenings because I’m already burnt out from my days.

My house can’t stay clean, but if I stop trying it grows like a monster until I feel overwhelmed and beat down.

My mom says I’m constantly frustrated. That she can’t imagine this scenario is a good one for me or my kids. I think she’s right.

But I don’t have any solutions. This blog doesn’t make enough money to support fulltime childcare or even part-time childcare.

This really isn’t about me. It’s about my boys. They don’t deserve a frustrated mom. They don’t deserve to be grouched at or vented on. It doesn’t work anyway.

Yesterday, Riley said, “Mom, you don’t have to be so grumpy.” And he’s right.

I could go back to work part-time and do the blog, but I would need just the right job. With just the right boss. Oh, time for preschool drop off . . . more on this later.

P.S. Don’t you dare tell me if I had a godly attitude, this would be different. That’s not what this is about . . . and I don’t believe that God intends for every mother to stay home or that every mother who doesn’t is not in His will. So let’s not start that conversation, okay?